The month started with great plans — my “Luck O The Irish” stash-down fiber spin, a test knit and a skill building yarn spinning exercise. Then life happened. My cousin who had been battling colon cancer for the last year and a half passed. The grief has been gut wrenching. I cry at the drop of a hat or laugh and smile at the happy memories. My mom reminded me yesterday that my reactions and feelings are all normal so I should just go with how I’m feeling at any given time. It doesn’t help that there’s an issue at work that’s possibly the worst thing I’ve ever dealt with in my professional life. Then the world got the news of the racist terrorist attack on Muslims on Christchurch. To say March was a doozy is an understatement.
I’m not one to stay down for long, so I changed course. My cousin lived her life in the most positively impactful ways so in her memory and for my own benefit, the way she lived is a reminder for me to do the same.
The spin I planned for my March stash-down goal has problems. The fiber is divine, the dye job lovely, but the seller managed to pack 4 ozs of fiber into 7 rolags. OMG!!! Although I pre-drafted the fiber like crazy, it is still a bear to spin. I made some headway but the emotional upheaval of the month and all the effort this spin requires, it has become too difficult for me to manage. For non-spinners to understand what I’m staying, you can typically get about 8 – 10 rolags out of 2 ozs of fiber so to have double the amount of fiber in less rolags, let’s say this project was a fight from start until I decided to call it quits. I just need to be able to sit, spin and not think and this project requires too much. My goal is to undo the fiber at some later date then roll the rolags again — less dense with more rolags per 2 ozs.
So instead, for my March stash-down, I started to spin Inglenook Fibers — Mossy colorway in their popular sticklebatts offering. It’s a lovely Irish green (so still in keeping with the Luck O’ The Irish stash-down theme) and just wonderful to spin. I just draft and let the fiber with all its extras do what it wants to do. I’ve finished about 3 out of the 12 sticklebatts in the bag but so far it’s quite lovely:
I’ve been spinning it on my EEL (Dreaming Robots) e-spinner so the spin has been going at a good rate.
I’ve also committed to improving my spindling this year — both supported and drop — so for that reason and grief therapy, I’ve started this spin on an affordable spindle I found on Etsy:
Sidebar: I highlighted the word affordable because there’s more I want to say about this spindle and this word in my next post.
I also had to set aside a skill-building spin (3 ply fractal) I started with the ThreeWatersFarm group on Ravelry.
I’m moving back to my normal self so I think I’ll be ready to pick that up again in a week or so.
The test knit I abandoned is going to get its own post. That was definitely an exercise in changing direction. The yarns I chose for it looked lovely, photograph nicely together but in person, they were not playing well together at all. But all that will be in another post.
As I look back at the month, even in the difficult moments there have been lessons. I’m going to miss my cousin fiercely. How could I not? Even her transition reminds me that it’s okay to change direction when I need to.
So sorry for your families loss. Our love ones never really leave us. They are in our memories and you will do things in remembrance of your cousin.
I’m so for your loss. It’s okay to grieve and it’s definitely okay to change direction. You’ll figure it out and what is meant to be for you will be.
Beautiful, Nicky. ❤️ Letting your emotions be okay and changing directions- both important lessons for me as well. Thank you for leading and sharing, friend.
That reminded me, you know the Beatles’ song “Let It Be”- that came from a dream Paul had. His mother had died and he was struggling. She came to him in a dream and said, “Let it be, Paul, let it be.” I think of that often when I’m missing my dad. To me it is let whatever you feel- be. It’s okay. ❤️